5 years later...so long as you're able to help, why not do it?

September 22, 2006, 3:47 pm, UPenn Hospital, Philadelphia, PA----when we lost Boone to complications from a stem cell transplant to treat leukemia.  Without a doubt, the worst day of my life.  And here I am, five years later, a totally different person, but in some ways stuck back in 2006.  It sometimes seems surreal that we spent virtually every moment of every day for 9 months fighting ALL...so many, many days and nights spent in the hospital, ER, ICU, and doctor's office for chemotherapy or other treatments.  And up until the very last day, I was sure that whatever the setbacks that were dealt him, Boone would survive.   And, then sometimes fearful that he would survive and that he would suffer from the many complications/side effects that so many people who have stem cell transplants deal with.....debilitating GVHD, cataracts within 10 years, necrosis, hip replacements, to name just a few.  Yes, it is so difficult to write this, but at times I actually was fearful for his survival...as horrible as someone might think it sounds.  But, don't judge if you haven't faced what we faced.  Our beautiful, strong, healthy, athletic son was turned into a person who couldn't walk to corner without being winded in those 9 months....and the pain he endured...so many pain medications. 

We all miss Boone so much....miss what he could have been.  He would almost be 25 years old.  He would have finished college....I wonder what he would have majored in.  Would he be in his first job?  Or would he have applied to law school as he sometimes thought he might want to do?  Would he be married?  Where would he be living?  So many questions that dissolved into nothingness on that day 5 years ago. 

Oh, how proud he would be of Jordan right now.  I can still hear him wondering where she would go to college.  Hey Boone, she's in her last year at Auburn!  She would have loved for you to come visit her there.  Imagine attending one of Auburn's football games last year, during their National Championship year....like she attended one with you that fall at UVa. 

Oh Boone, I will always have a piece of my heart missing...for you took it with you that devastating day 5 years ago.  As I hope you somehow know,  I think of you every day.  I hope you think we are fulfilling your request from 5 years ago.  I am so grateful that I found that document on your laptop.  I think I'll write it again here, because it helps to make sure that I never forget:

"I wrote this to share with you my experiences, to show you the huge impact that it has had on my life, to show you how painful, how hard, and how truly difficult going through something like this can be. Not so that you sympathize with me, but so that you realize it can happen to you, your mom, your dad, your girlfriend/boyfriend, your siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, you name it… I’m not trying to worry anyone, but rather raise awareness as to the wide-reaching effects of diseases such as leukemia. "

"This experience has truly changed my life in ways that I never could have imagined. Priorities have been flipped upside down, and things that I wouldn’t even have given a second thought to in the past I now look at as beauty in everyday life… to be so close to death, and be so fortunate as to make my way back to health, has opened my eyes to what is really valuable in this world and in my life. I hope that you see the value that can be found in the lives of all of your friends and family, and that you take strides to protecting their lives (and the lives of thousands of others), by supporting an organization which researches life-threatening diseases."

"My request is simple… please, please find a charity, find an organization, find ANYTHING that supports research into a disease such as leukemia, HIV, breast cancer… ANYTHING… and support it. Give money, volunteer time, do anything you can, no matter how small and insignificant it may seem. You never know when something like this may be thrown into your lap, and you never know who may be affected by a disease like this… you think it can’t happen to you (hell, I sure didn’t) and hopefully it never will, but so long as you’re able to help– why not do it?"

I love you Boone.
Mom